This Most Unbelievable Life!

Episode 29: Who and What do you Show up for?

What do you show up with?  What do you feel responsibility to bring to the metaphorical table when you show up for the people, companies, communities in your life?  These questions frame the conversation Paul and Cheri dig into on today’s episode.  
To unpack these questions, we take a look at what it really means to “show up” for others. Is it about physically being present?  Or is it something more, like present and accountable or fully engaged? While you won’t find “showing up” in published discussions about love languages or communication styles, Cheri has a theory that “showing up” is actually Paul’s love language – when he shows up, he’s really in it! However, Cheri struggles with separating the ability to joyfully show up for others versus making herself available out of obligation. 
How do you show up for others? Do you expect others in your life to show up for you?  What does it really mean for you to acknowledge that others are, in fact, showing up for you? 
For the record: every time you download this podcast, we read that as a way our community shows up for us in a big way! Thanks for listening; we hope you’ll keep showing up here and reaching out to let us know how these threads of discussion resonate with you!
P + C
Social Media Links
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | E-mail
 
Support the Podcast!
We'd love your support! If you would like to help out, here is the link to our Patreon site: https://www.patreon.com/thismostunbelievablelife

Episode 28: When Discomfort Calls us to Adjustment

How do you know when it's time to adjust? How do you recognize when your regular approach isn’t going to keep serving you well?  
In many ways, we’re going through a period of life where adjustment is the name of the game. Whether you work in the academic sector or not, September is often a month of transition and refocus. In 2020, many folks are experiencing a unique set of challenges as they navigate work, school, and ongoing life as we wrap up this summer of perpetual social distancing.
So what does this need for adjustment look like?  How is showing up in your world today?  In this episode, we give some insight into what it looks like for us.  We note how, over the past few weeks, our schedules have changed significantly as a new academic year has begun. We both have long experienced that the first stages of a new routine can be a challenge as there is a period of adjustment that is inevitable. But this year there’s a new level of intensity:  eye strain, stiff muscles, mental fatigue... all being known, all at once!  In this episode, we talk through the adjustments that we eventually recognized the need for, how we got to where we needed to make those changes, and what it looked like to respond to the demands of our bodies.  
We invite you to reflect for yourself: what kinds of adjustments have you made recently?  Where are you seeing discomfort that’s calling you to be more flexible in your approaches?  We’d love to know what works for you as we continue to find out what works best for us!
P + C
Social Media Links
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | E-mail
 
Support the Podcast!
We'd love your support! If you would like to help out, here is the link to our Patreon site: https://www.patreon.com/thismostunbelievablelife

Episode 27: Where do you See Yourself in Five Years?

Here it is, folks, the big question! As promised last episode, Paul got to ask Cheri: "where do you see yourself in five years?" If someone asked you this question 5 years ago, we suspect that no one would have anticipated where we are now! In this episode, Paul and Cheri talk through what that question represents and what actual intentions are signaled when it gets posed. For example, notice the way that the question starts: is this a question about "where"? Is that really what someone wants to know about? Is this question about physical geography, or is it really about something else? Does your answer, or even the mere consideration of your answer, lock you into a pattern of thinking about yourself? Might it actually limit and constrain your potential? Rather than providing a sense of purpose and a vision for yourself and what you do, we think this question might actually prevent you from really thinking about who you are, or what kind of person you want to be today.
So, who do you want to be today, and what do you want to work on to be a better person tomorrow? Have you ever been asked where you see yourself in five years, and, if so, did you end up where you thought you would? If you wanted to know about someone, what other question might you ask that might be more informative?
We'd love to hear your answers on our socials! Thank you for listening!!!
P+C
 
Social Media Links
Facebook | Instagram | Twitter | E-mail
 
Mentions from the Podcast
Commonwealth Baptist Church
Faith Made Welcome
Old Town Books
 
Support the Podcast!
We'd love your support! If you would like to help out, here is the link to our Patreon site: https://www.patreon.com/thismostunbelievablelife

Episode 26: Sympathetic Joy vs. Sympathetic Misery

What Kind of Life Are You Cultivating Today?
You're in for a good one today, folks! Though it might sound like an oxymoron, this episode is a fun look at misery! Over the course of this episode we introduce two concepts related to misery: 1) habits of misery, and 2) sympathetic misery. Do you see folks engaged in habits of misery in your everyday life? Have you noticed how easily collaborative complaining fosters a sense of sympathetic misery? Here we look at these concepts and their relationship to the lives we lead vs. the lives we hope to have.
So what kind of life do you want for yourself? Is it one full of gratitude and kindness? Or have you resigned yourself to a habit of misery? Paul suggests that whatever we cultivate requires “work, patience, and faith.” Join us as we take a look at the work, patience and faith we, and our larger culture, often invest in what we're calling “habits of misery.” We ask: why are we so comfortable with self-deprecating humor? Why is there comfort in sympathetic misery? Why are we so suspicious of happy people? And what causes us to struggle with sympathetic joy?
We gotta say, recording this one was a blast and we really hope you’ll enjoying listening to it as much as we loved recording it! So, listeners, share in our joy: check this one out and then get in touch. Tell us: what are you cultivating in your life right now? And what would change in your life you asked: “what if I deserve kindness?”
P + C

Episode 25: Hasn't This Gone on Long Enough?

By the time you check this one out, Paul will have put his foot down and said: “this has gone on long enough!” What has he let go too long? Well, dear podcast listeners, don’t fear! It’s not the podcast! And believe it or not - we're not just talking about the pandemic! No, in this episode, we discuss Paul’s decision to say “enough is enough” and get...well…a haircut. It might seem trivial, but a haircut can signify a lot more than good grooming habits. A pause in regular haircut practice became a way many of us began marking the passage of time during the pandemic. As the spread of the virus continues and the hope of a vaccine seems far off, we start to ask: “what does it look like to keep on living in the midst of this?” We shy away from longing for “a new normal” and instead think together about the signs that we’re gearing up for fall, even those it is likely to be the least typical fall semester we’ve had. This episode takes us on a journey where we think about ways we mark time, ways we use our appearance to help us ready ourselves for events in life, moments we think we can start fresh, and seemingly mundane things that bring us a great sense of satisfaction. Listen in and let us know - what in your life have you let go on long enough? Are you ready to put your foot down and say enough is enough?

Episode 24: Why do we Need Change?

Why do we change writing utensils, move the furniture around, and feel the need to get away from our usual places for a while? Why, in fact, do we need change? Is it necessary or do we simply enjoy novel experiences? As Cheri so eloquently states in this episode, "You wake up every day, and you try to figure out how are you going to negotiate for the next 16 hours, or whatever that you're awake, how are you going to negotiate what you want to do, what you are obligated to do, and what in the world will feel like it's on fire if you don't do, and then you go to bed, you get up, and you do it again." After a while, it seems like that can get a little stale. Maybe you feel a little stuck? Maybe your routine can even feel oppressive? In this episode, we talk about how, and when, we make the decision to change our pens, our furniture, our patterns and processes, and our locations, if even for only a little while. Do we get stuck in our habits of mind, body, and spirit, and our surroundings hold those patterns in place? What exactly is that connection between mood and change? Give this episode a listen, and let us know how you relate your habits of mind, your moods, and the nature of change, whether intentional or unintentional.
Thanks all! We'll talk more soon.
Paul and Cheri
 
Locations mentioned in this episode
Holy Cross Abbey, Berryville, VA - https://www.virginiatrappists.org
Insight Meditation Society, Barre, MA - https://www.dharma.org/

Episode 23: Navigating Discomfort

What would happen if we pressed the record button without a plan? Welp, you're about to find out! Cheri and Paul recorded this one with no plan in place, just an openness to see where the conversation would take them! For a lot of people, participating in a recording like this one would create a lot of discomfort. We often feel discomfort at the unknown or the uncontrollable. Curiously, while we were quite comfortable jumping into the unplanned together here, we ended up spending an hour discussing the nature of discomfort. How do we experience it? Why does it pop up? What do we do to try to avoid it? How do we cope when we see it in others? See how well we stay on topic when there's no topic even in place! And...as a special treat, listen to us discuss how we navigate discomfort not only in our lives but with...EACH OTHER. That's right folks: if you've ever wondered whether this collaborative pair face conflict with each other, the juicy answer is...well, "kind of" and the insight into how excellently we manage times when we can't say an enthusiastic "yes" to each other is locked within this episode. Check out how we navigate the unknown and tell us: what causes discomfort in your world, how do you navigate it, and what role does it play in the conflict in your life?

Episode 22: 100% YES!!!

Hey folks! What does it mean to be 100% in? We're not talking here about being sorta in, maybe in, or kinda considering it. We're talking ALL IN! Absolutely. 100% YES! We've mentioned this concept once or twice before on the podcast. In this episode, we try to flesh this scary concept out a little bit more. We go a deeper into what we really mean by 100% yes, how you do it, and provide examples of it in action. We even think about what the consequences of “all in or no” thinking might be. So, listeners, what does it mean to be 100% in? How do you know you’re 100% yes for something? Check this episode out to hear more about fast noes and slow yeses. Hear what we have to say about analog writing (by hand or via something like a typewriter), vs. digital composing (on phones, laptops, and the like). We also chat about a beloved Anthony Bourdain cookbook, why we talk to certain people about the mundane, and how a little struggle in our process might bring us just the degree of required intentionality we need to force ourselves to a place of 100%. And, from there, how to say "no!" We hope you enjoy this one! And by the end, we hope you’ll be ready to let us know: what's for dinner tonight?

Episode 21: Who Makes These Rules Anyway?

Hi folks! In this episode, Cheri and Paul take some time to talk through some of the "shoulds." We sometimes refer to this notion, using the same terms as Ram Dass once did, as "should-ing yourself." Do you "should yourself”? What is behind the "shoulds” in your life? When you say that you, or someone else, "should" do something, who makes that determination, and to what end? We approach this whole conversation in terms of what we, and others, refer to as "mental load." We look at where our expectations come from, which expectations we place on ourselves, and which ones we accept or inherit from others. We also examine the possibility that some of these people who place expectations upon us are, to quote Cheri, "the invisible army of folks with expectations." How do you have a negotiation with someone who doesn't exist, but who is somehow telling you what you "should" do, and how you "should" be? We bring these questions to bear on what is, for many folks, the scourge of our professional lives. What is the greatest professional time-suck there is??? For many people, it's the dreaded email inbox! When is the last time that you had ZERO emails in your inbox? Is that even a goal that you aspire to, and what are the rules and/or guidelines that you use when relating to your email inbox? Would you say your relationship to your inbox is healthy, strained, necessary, or something more helpless feeling, like resigned?
 
We'd love to hear from you about your "shoulds," your relationship to them, who is actually doing the "should-ing," and what your life would be like if you did all the things that your "should"-self wants! Thank you for listening! Please let us know what you think.

Episode 20: Meaningful vs. Meaningless Conversation

Happy Tuesday, folks! This week we’re on vacation! But don’t despair: we took some time together a few weeks ago to pre-record this episode, so you’d get your regularly scheduled Tuesday afternoon podcast delivery! In fact, this episode is extra meaningful to us because we recorded it on July 1 - a date we consider the anniversary of all things Paul and Cheri. For this one, our first Heart episode, we got together in real life, had some lunch and recorded a conversation about what constitutes a meaningful thing! So, listener, what makes something meaningful to you? Cheri’s been trying to unpack that concept in her blog over the last month. In today’s podcast, Cheri and Paul take a stab at this question. Together they talk through what causes something to feel meaningful vs. meaningless, where and when they’ve discovered meaning in small moments, and what it means to get to the heart of a matter. Our exploration of meaning takes us to some big topics related to the heart: how do we sit with the suffering of others? What does it mean to allow others to see our authentic selves? What does compassion look like in our lives? How do we show up for those in our community? And how do we cultivate joy? In this episode, we give some ideas, suggestions, and some thoughts. Check it out! How do you find meaning in things?