This Most Unbelievable Life!

Episode 89 - The Perils of Self-Improvement Culture?

Hello listeners!
If you are a frequent listener to this podcast, you probably know by now that we take great pride in trying to do a good job of it! From interesting and timely content and topics, to the quality of the audio, we do our best to create a delightful and informative, possibly thought provoking experience for you. We think we usually do a pretty good job of it, yet, there is an occasional temptation to work to improve what we offer. This isn’t a bad thing! Of course we want this podcast to be a quality experience. Fact is, with a podcast, improving it often becomes an exercise or practice of self-exploration. How do we become “better” podcasters? If we did this, this, and this, if we improved these things, we would be better! I mean, self-improvement is a noble pursuit, right? It seems that having an eye toward self-improvement can only be a good thing! 
Yet, we ask, what happens when self-improvement is converted into a reward system of hustle culture? When self-improvement becomes a list of things we “should,” do to be better, we can accidentally run into an unintended backside of, “if I think I should improve on this, that must mean I’m not good at it now,” and that be a little bit weaponized. Also, when the idea of self-improvement turns into a hustle and grind of meeting everyone’s expectations at all costs for a reward or for recognition, our health can go right out the window along with our sense of self-esteem and self-worth. In that light, everything can become a little dangerous. If we think we live in a reward system where the metrics of self-improvement are measured by the standards, and the potential gains of others, the innocent striving toward self-improvement can turn into worry, anxiety, and exhaustion. 
How might we safely, kindly, and compassionately self-improve? Give this episode a listen and let us know what you think! We hope you love this one! We tried to do our best. :-)
 
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Episode 88 - What is the Work to be Done?

Many of us, beginning at the time we are born, are told what to do, what we should do, what work is important, and which jobs and careers are the best ones to have. Jobs, careers, and livelihoods are sold to us as packaged items from which to choose from, and how to best prepare ourselves to qualify for a particular one. Some of us even took a test in high school which told us which careers were best suited to our “interests,” and some of us have parents and grandparents often telling us outright which jobs we should have, and push us in a particular direction. No wonder, then, we become a little confused, or disoriented, when all the perks and benefits of a particular job or career don’t quite satisfy us, or we feel like we’re somehow not quite living to our hearts desires. This can cause questions to arise.
What, exactly, is my work to do?
For such a short sentence, there sure is a lot here! Everywhere we look, it seems, there is work to be done. Just about everything could use a bit of a helping hand it seems. However, what, of all of this work to be done, is MY work to do? How do I discover what it is that I should actually do. Just because we see or feel that something needs to get done, that doesn’t mean that it’s MY work to do. We need “someone” to do all sorts of things. What is it that needs to happen that needs ME?
In this episode, Paul and Cheri pick this question apart a little bit, and talk through their discovery process on what is the work to do, what is THEIR work to do, and how that discernment process might look. We’re all about helping folks find their path and follow their heart, but we also gotta pay the bills! What, indeed, is the thing to be done?
We hope you like this one! How do you discover your work to do? We’d love to hear about it!
P + C
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Episode 87 - Mindful Resilience

What, dear listener, does it mean to be “resilient,” and what, exactly, is “resilience” anyway? As many of us may find ourselves encountering a form of return, or re-emergence from (or event within!) pandemic life, we might be led to believe that resilience is something like grit, tenacity, or toughness while something difficult or downright traumatizing may be ongoing. We do live in a society that will encourage us to push on, power through and always be at the top of our game.
Interestingly, resilience isn’t grit. It’s not maintenance of the status quo. No, resilience, as the Oxford English Dictionary will tell you, is defined as follows:
The quality or fact of being able to recover quickly or easily from, or resist being affected by, a misfortune, shock, illness, etc.; robustness; adaptability.
Reading this definition, we’re led to notice that this thing isn’t about staying safe and functional during a trauma or difficulty at all! No, resilience isn’t about that. Resilience is about how you can bounce back. It’s not about not getting knocked down. It’s about who you want to be when you get back up. It’s about finding the shape of your life moving forward, not trying to keep things under our control along the way. Resilience is about re-emergence, and a gateways on how to do that, on how to start that process, are awareness, and communication.
We’ve talked on this podcast before about Non-Violent Communication, and we talk about meditation and awareness-building all the time. How do we practice and leverage these skills to build and employ resilience? In this episode, we talk about exactly that! We hope you enjoy!
P + C
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Episode 86 - They Can’t All Be Winners, Or What if We’re Not the Star of this Show?

Have you ever wondered what life is like for the extras in a movie? Or what life is like for the friend or the sidekick? Oftentimes, it seems to us, we don’t imagine ourselves as the side character in this saga called life. Instead, we might be tempted to greet each day as though the camera is focused on us and asking for a perfect take on the action of our life. 
If we bring a little honesty, humility, and even humor to this consideration, however, we might realize: we’re not the star of the show at all!
And what a relief! If you’re not the star, you get to take a break! You don’t need to be perfection; you can embrace the comfort of being out of the limelight!  
What if you woke up each day aiming for imperfection? What if you could find comfort in being part of the ensemble cast instead of striving to earn the leading role?  
Well, that’s the invitation in this podcast. Join us in this funny little narrative called life as we uncover what moments are breathtaking and perfect and find space to embrace the mediocre, the melodramatic, the mundane, and everything in between!
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Episode 85 - On Responsible and Compassionate Storytelling

Hi folks! This episode comes with a bit of a trigger warning! In this episode of the TMUL podcast on storytelling, some tales were told that describe some minor, but memorable injuries that one or the other of us have suffered in our lives. No worries though, no surprises here. We tucked those away at the end of the episode and if that’s not your jam, feel free to skip that last part. I give a warning right before we get into it so you’ll have a heads up. And with that being said...
If you’ve been listening to this podcast for a little while, you might have heard us talk about “the stories we tell” to ourselves and to one another. At times, our thinking brains can lead us down  story paths that don't serve us particularly well. We know this tendency is alive in us!  Yet…it doesn’t mean we stop telling those stories!
Storytelling seems to be quite baked into our humanity. It’s been with us throughout history - and, in fact, is the reason we have a historical account of anything in the first place!  Therein lies an interesting paradox: stories don’t always serve us well; yet we seem incapable of living without them!  
How do we live in this tension?  Well, that’s the question this podcast leads to - but not yet the one we can say we answer!  Instead, join us this week as we explore some of our own favorites uncomfortable stories to share and retell (many with medical ties!) as well as some consideration of why we tell stories and what role they play in helping humans relate to one another in their communities!
 
In the end, we invite you to think alongside us: what does it mean to be a responsible and compassionate storyteller, in the stories you tell yourself, in the stories you share with others and with the stories about others that you share?
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Episode 84 - We‘re Not Meant to Do This Alone!

Episode 84 - We're Not Meant to Do This Alone! 
Throughout the last 18 months, one obvious and particular question about our shared existence on this planet has been laid bare, front and center, and asked for all to answer with their own experience: what is the value of participating in shared experience? Paul mentioned a couple of episodes ago that he doesn't like the phrase "social distancing." He much prefers something more like, "physical distancing," which may more accurately describe what we've all been asked to do. Physical distancing may be mandatory (and we would argue rightly so!), but "social distancing" may be more optional. Can we be physically distant while intentionally cultivating social connection, or is the proverbial baby indeed thrown out with the bathwater? 
We might not like e-meetings, or video conferencing, all that much, but for some, it has provided a platform where we can keep the bonds of social, and professional interaction, alive and kicking, if not exactly thriving. Regardless of whether we like it or not, it has brought at least one thing to our attention: the importance of intention, and the intentions that we set when entering shared spaces. This, by the way, includes both physical spaces as well as e-spaces! Whereas we could do all of this on Zoom, why do we put off a wedding until it is safe to do so? Why do we meet safely in person when we could just as easily do an e-lunch? What makes us itch to be in physical space together when the “work” of the gathering can take place over distance? What are the things that we do and what intention do we bring when we opt to gather together? What does it take to manifest that best intention and really bring it to life? In this episode we talk it out as best we know, and we hope you enjoy this one!
Take care, folks! 
P + C
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Episode 83 - De-weaponizing Reflection OR “I Guess We Should Write Some Shownotes”

Once upon a time, Paul "shoulded" us! Can you believe that?  It’s true. And what did he insist we should DO? Write excellent shownotes for each of our episodes! From the very beginning, we’ve not been content with simply offering a podcast to the world, but we’ve felt we SHOULD provide our listeners with great shownotes. No one asked us to. No one has told us these notes are important (or unimportant). We have decided for ourselves that they matter and - at times - heaped some extra pressure on ourselves for the value judgments we make about the quality of our notes and WHEN these here notes get written!
Although it might sound a bit meta: this phenomenon is exactly what this episode is about!  In this one we take a look at how reflection and self-examination work in relationship to evaluation and value judgment. Can we observe ourselves without judgement?  And we use reflection as a tool to inform the future rather than as a weapon against our past self?  
The reality is that we need not assign value to ourselves over how well we nail our day to day experiences…or our weekly episode shownotes! In fact, in terms of these notes: we might do well to write them and release them to the world without associating them with a sense of worthiness!
However, so often that’s not how we humans work!  We tell stories about who we are and how worthy we are based upon how we show up in the world and the criteria we deem valuable. 
Can you observe without judgement?  Can you reflect without weaponizing?  What does compassionate reflection look like in you?
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Episode 82 - The Joy in Learning What Unfolds!

Hello listeners! Here it is: the last episode before we pivot into Fall (and thus into season 7)!
As has been a trend in many episodes as of late, this one was recorded right on the heels of some travel by Paul to visit some family. What’s special about this bit of travel, however, was that, as so often happens in this life, things did not end up going exactly as anticipated.
It’s ok! It’s fine… everything is fine… but there was a delayed flight that was eventually canceled, an extra night in Saint Louis, a rescheduled flight, much more time than anticipated in O’Hare airport, and an arrival at home on Wednesday rather than Tuesday. All of this represented many opportunities to observe, pivot, adjust, adapt, and reorient to something else.  Sure it was unexpected. Yes, what happened wasn’t what was supposed to” go do. Yet, life has a tendency to unfold as it will - regardless of our shoulds and supposed tos! Paul got a chance...many chances actually...to cultivate a practice of flexibility. This bit of travel offered ample opportunities to practice adjusting to something… different. And, as an intended podcast recording date was lost somewhere in the midst of his travel, Cheri got (a far more luxurious) opportunity to practice some flexibility as well!
Being adaptable and flexible as life unfolds can be sticky. In some cases, we’re willing to lean into whatever may come. Other times we really feel much rides on how things “ought” to unfold.  Adjusting isn’t always comfortable to do without some resistance, especially at the end of a trip to see family when everyone involved is thinking about getting back home and back to work. How might we make these transitions as… well, not necessarily easier…probably not more comfortable...but maybe at least as painless as possible.
As stated in the episode, you can “should have” yourself all you want, but afterward, you’ll always find yourself in exactly the same place you are, having made no real progress toward pivoting to a resolution. Sometimes that’s ok though. Some sudden changes can take a moment or two to fully understand, process, internalize or even mourn if needed. On most occasions, even when we successfully pivot in the face of a sudden, unanticipated, or unexpected change, it can take a minute to let the pivot reorient itself within us and settle. In these cases it’s not a bad thing to ask for a few minutes to pause, breathe, and get in line with the new flow. It’s worth doing, because like it or not, that’s what seems to be happening, and joy can still be found in the most unexpected places! 
Thanks for listening, all! We hope you like this one!
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Episode 81 - Am I Doing This Right?

Hey folks!
Here's a question for you! What is the magic that you are interested in beginning to the world today? Is it the magic that you are supposed to do? Need it be done the way it's “supposed” to look? Or is what you bring to light in your life what you WANT to do, done the way that only you can do it? Is the magic in your objective, or is it in your method? Is the secret in the unveiling, or is it in the work that is done along the way? If we think about it, it's not so much the pulling of the rabbit out of the hat that is the THING in that trick. That's just the part that other people see! It’s what creates that sense of magic. The REAL magic is in getting the rabbit into the hat in the first place! As it turns out, and as we talk through in this episode, it might not actually be the end goal that represents the magic that you bring to this life. 
We so often think of a desired outcome, and immediately envision a "right" way to achieve it. Stuff looks like what it does, but it's often the stuff going on behind the scenes, off-camera, under your skin, or when nobody is really looking or paying attention that represents the unique magic that you do. The way that one person does a thing might not look anything like how another person does it, and that can be totally ok! When we think about whether or not we're doing something "right," is that based on how that something looks? Or what others tell us about what it’s meant to look like? Or is it based on what happens as a result of the process that unfolds? We’re happy you’re here to listen to our thoughts on this matter! And we'd love to hear your thoughts on this subject! There's a lot of potential to be haunted by the "should's'' in this episode. What is the right way to do a thing? Maybe it's totally up to you. Seriously, who else could really know?
Thanks for listening, all!
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Episode 80 - Things Similar, and Somehow Different

Lately, Paul and Cheri have been thinking of this podcast as a historical narrative of the pandemic - from Episode 1, which we recorded on the last week of February 2020, and weekly since then. From episode to episode, what was it like for us? What were we seeing, feeling, and thinking? What did we notice, and what were we not noticing? Throughout all of it, we wondered: when will it end, and what will be there for us on the other side? Well, we’re not out of the woods yet… the Delta variant continues to upend plans and reshuffle timelines. There are conversations about booster shots, and mask mandates continue to be a contentious issue. Inevitably, though, something will start to resemble the other side, and we may have found it with this week’s recording.
What’s the “it” here? Well, folks, the somewhat inevitable has finally occurred! Cheri and Paul are teaching, once again, on campus. There has been so much talk lately about what it would be like to be in a classroom again, or in an office again, or at a major event again, after so much time away, and understandably so! It's really impossible to guess what the level of comfort or anxiety will really be felt until we find ourselves there in the mix. Will we enter and carry ourselves with cautious dread and worry? Or will we just slip right back into it all - habits, patterns, and customs - just as we left them? Might we discover ourselves somewhere in between these extremes? We both discovered our versions of the answer to this question recently and, in this episode, we talk it through and try to sort it all out what we are noticing!
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