This Most Unbelievable Life!

Episode 99 - Same Tune - New Context: Where the Work Happens

Hey folks!
Welp, we’ve done it! 99 Red Record Buttons later and we’re here:  Episode 99! And here’s a spoiler: if you listen to this one all the way through, you’ll get to hear Paul’s excellent interpolation of “99 Red Balloons”! The same tune - in a totally new context!
And…well, that’s kinda the theme this week! We’re thinking about times with the work to be done and the context for doing that work needs a remix! Have you ever been in a situation where you’re really TRYING to do something and to get something done, but something feels like it’s in the way, or like you’re being blocked somehow from actually making progress or doing the thing that it is you’re trying to do? Well, if you’ve answered “yes” to this, us too!! Why is it that some events require a “change in location” in order to do the thing that could, by all appearances, could be done where you are, or anywhere for that matter? For example, hunkering down in a coffee shop to do some typing, or going to Massachusetts to sit on a cushion. When, and under what circumstances, are we in need of a little “change of scenery?,” or even a “change of venue?”
In this episode, Cheri and Paul talk through the many times that they have, in their lives, invoked different places to do some rather specific things. Why do some things work in some locations, but others work in other places? It is curious, isn’t it? Where is it that you do your work?
Give this one a listen! And…who knows…maybe you might try listening from a new location this week! If you do, let us know how that goes!
Thanks y’all!
P + C
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Episode 98 - Manufactured Conversation and Shared Silence

Have you ever attended an event wherein you find yourself with others gathered around a round table with tons of forks and spoons and the expectation for polite and witty dinner conversation?  For us, as academics, we have found ourselves in these situations most commonly at conferences, but these circumstances often emerge at weddings, fundraisers, and probably on a number of other occasions, too. What we notice about ourselves is that we both itch at the awkwardness of polite conversation in these contexts AND find those experiences meaningful - even fun. Based on our unique personalities, histories, and experiences, anxiety can arise at situations like these, even though they’re meant to be “fun.” Sometimes they feel like these social situations are being imposed on us rather than offered. 
We talk around these conversation occasions on today’s episode. How did we get to that topic, you ask? Well, there might be two reasons. We’re hoping to attend an academic conference in person this April and for us both it will be the first time we’ve participated in such an event in quite some time. Additionally, Paul just came from a retreat grounded in shared silence, and Cheri’s about to head off to one. In these spaces where silence is expected, we have come to find some peace and ease. Yet, similar experiences where the convention is to keep the conversation going, tend to unsettle us. We all show up differently for these situations that involve groups of people, and with different feelings and reactions. May we be kind to ourselves in these situations, and if you’re one of those folks who are perfectly comfortable in such a setting, be mindful that not everyone may be! Hold space lightly, and gently, for all.
Thanks folks!
P + C
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Episode 97 - Where are We Now? Transitioning into a New Year

Ah! The first episode of 2022! This one’s an interesting exercise in time travel! We recorded it on December 27, knowing it will be released on January 4, while Paul is away at a meditation retreat!  As a result, this episode bridges 2021 and 2022, and we’ve let that reality become the theme of the episode. 
We look once more at New Year’s plans and traditions. What we notice is a tendency to look back and reflect, paired with a desire to long for a different future. So often as we prepare to enter a new year we do so by taking inventory of our successes and failures and making idealized visions for what might come next. 
In this episode, we round out 2021 with a bit of gratitude for what’s unfolded along with an admission that: well, we couldn’t have predicted the year we had if we tried! We’re delighted by so much that we’ve had the opportunity to do, but find ourselves surprised by what we’ve experienced as a result of showing up for what unfolds rather than pressuring ourselves to make some kind of prescribed outcome happen. 
Perhaps we walked away from this episode with this big point to ponder: what if we used the New Year transition as a moment to recognize and accept what is? Can we allow ourselves to just be with and witness what is for just a moment? It is with this intention we hope to come to the new year. Since we can control so little in life, we’re committed to witnessing what is and showing up fully and with curiosity to whatever unfolds before us.
May it be so! 
So, fear listeners, as you listen, we ask you: What intention will you bring to this new season?  Are you setting intentions that are kind to yourself and that will bring ease and joy to yourself? Or are you driving yourself toward some sense of “more” or “better” that might contribute to your suffering more so than your success? 
Happy New Year, Everybody! We can’t wait to see what unfolds in 2022!
P+C
 
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Episode 96 - The Properties of “Home”

Happy New Year, everyone, and welcome to the final episode of 2021! We recorded this one fresh on the heels of visiting places that we might call, “home,” as in, “home for the holidays” or something like that.  As we talked through our respective trips and how they went, it became curious to us that it’s not quite clear what we mean by the word, “home,” and what actually defined that particular place? In other words, what defines “home?” What, exactly, are the properties of “home?”
Home might be where you grew up, where particular people are, a specific house, or where you are right now. It might be where your pets are, and it might be where your people are. However, we wonder, is it always “where the heart is?” In this last episode of 2021, we work through what home means to us, and where it is, and why that might be so. Maybe home was one thing or place, and maybe now it’s another. What associations do you have with “home”? Has it changed over the course of your life? Has your sense of home been fixed over your life, or have you noticed ways that it has evolved as circumstances in your life change? We think it’s a curious concept - one that’s sometimes reassuring, and also, maybe, at other times uncomfortable or awkward. Where is your home, and what does “home” mean to you? We’d love to hear how you associate with home!
Happy New Year, Everybody! We’ll see you soon!
P+C
 
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Episode 95 - Mindfulness and Resilience

Episode 95 - Mindfulness and Resilience
Happy Solstice, everyone! This week, we’re sending out something a little different. A little while ago, Paul was afforded the opportunity to present for an annual Wellness Summit, and had the presence of mind to press the record button before he began! The episode for this week is that recording, and our own Cheri was kind enough to record an intro. 
For a little context, the theme of this summit was “resilience,” a word that we’ve all heard quite often lately. Resilience is often thought of as something to get us through the hard times, but that’s not really it. Resilience, in its purest, most technically correct usage, is the act, or the art, of rebounding after the damage has been done. Because of this, resilience is often talked about after big tragic events or difficult times like the one we’re in now. However, there is great value in becoming familiar with resilience because even in the best of times, things can go awry and challenge us. What do we get from mindfulness in all of this? If we can learn to recognize challenges when they occur, and pay attention to how we react and respond to them, we might bring a little wisdom into exactly how that rebound takes shape. We might recognize that the form that we were in wasn’t serving us too well, or maybe it’s just time to make a few adjustments to how we’re living our lives while we have them. Mindfulness, as it were, brings order to resilience. It can bring structure to the new shape we wish to take. 
We hope that you enjoy this one! It was recorded in mid-October, and now we present it to you for your consideration!
Again, happy solstice, and have a lovely day!
We’ll see you soon!
P+C
 
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Episode 94 - Traditions!

Hello, all! Well, the inevitable is upon us, and who are we to not acknowledge it fully? The holiday season is fully here, and once again we feel whatever that need is to embrace tradition, and we consider how it is that we might fulfill and/or satisfy our real, or perceived, holiday obligations. Traditions are one thing, and they’re great! Many of us have traditions that have been passed down through time and generations, and they bring a certain meaning and flavor to the season. The obligation to satisfy them though. Now THAT can be stressy! Stressier than it needs to be, especially in times like these when so much seems in change, flux, and disarray.
How can we still make it feel like the holidays when there is so much unsettled stuff going on out there?
In this episode, we take this apart a little big, and begin where I think all respectable treatments of holiday tradition might begin - by acknowledging that we have traditions, and identifying them, no matter how untraditional they might be! All traditions start as a thing that happens for the first time. If you find yourself unable to satisfy all of your holiday traditions, just think… this could be the beginning of a new one! They can be respected without being sacred, and in the end, the tradition isn’t really the point anyway, is it?
Your traditions might be set in stone, with all the stops pulled out to ensure commitment to their satisfaction, or your holiday tradition might even be that you don’t have traditions, and therefore the obligation might be to not do the same thing two years in a row! Whatever the case, we hope you are having a wonderful holiday season, and find some space and some ease that refreshes and relaxes the hardened, overworked soul. 
We’ll see you soon!
P+C
 
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Episode 93 - On Joy Theft!

Hello, everyone, and happy December!  Well, has it been? Has it been happy? What about joyful?  Is your month starting off full of joy? Are you noticing when joy emerges or when it seems to be in short supply? 
This podcast episode emerged from an unexpectedly joyful experience Cheri had recently…in a Lyft. Her driver was the personification of joy! He insisted that although a prior passenger tried to steal his joy, he wasn’t going to let her! Instead, he both held onto it and was about to share it with Cheri and her fellow passenger, Beth, last Tuesday night. 
Have you experienced joy in this manner?  Do you notice when it seems infectious?  Have you ever noticed how those who come to steal others’ joy don’t end up holding onto it for themselves?  
As we move closer toward the darker days of fall and the often hectic close of the year, it can be hard to make space for joy and to both defend it and share it at the same time. 
How are you navigating joy this season?  Are you hoping to take it off the hands of someone else? Or are you finding ways to cultivate it with those around you?  
Joy is an intentional practice. It’s not one we have all figured out, but we do delight in times where it seems to come easily! 
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Episode 92 - People Say the Darndest Things!

Hello dear listeners! Have you ever had that situation where someone says something to you, and you’re just left thinking… “why would they say that???” Sometimes it’s not just what they say, but also how they say it, and sometimes even that is innocuous enough, and the weirdness is just the identity of the person saying it! It’s so funny all the variables that play into how stuff, like words, land for us when offered by those around us. 
Of course, sometimes folks say things to us that are unarguably mean spirited. In these situations, the intent is clearly to cause suffering and harm, for whatever unfortunate reason that might be. Somehow, although unpleasant, it can almost be easier to abide with this situation than ones when our family, friends, and colleagues say something that hits in a particularly surprising way. We value friendships, and we don’t like to lose them, so we think a little bit more about the intentions behind how things are offered. Are they striving to demonstrate knowledge? Is it a play for power or acknowledgement of authority? Are they just in pain and are looking for someone to sympathize with them? All these options, and then some, can be real.
Things land in funny ways, and sometimes it’s them, and sometimes it’s us. Of course, it’s also true that sometimes the thing that is said that doesn’t land quite right comes from us! In this episode, we talk through many of the complexities behind why folks say the things they do, and why things land the way they do when they’re heard. It’s a big topic so we cannot claim to totally put this one to bed, but we take a good shot at it. We may do a follow-up to this one!
Thanks all! What do you think?
P + C
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Episode 91 - Boundaries Revisited

Hello, dear podcast listeners, and welcome to episode 91!
It’s Thanksgiving week here in the U.S., and many of us are gearing up for holiday festivities with friends and family. For some, there may be traveling, food in abundance, and friends and family galore! What better time for a light-hearted conversation about boundaries? We realized in the run-up to this episode that we’ve talked around this topic before, but really haven’t come out and said, “hey, this episode is about boundaries!” We’ve talked through many, if not all, of the components of a conversation about boundaries. It turns out, to take those components -- such as, how to say “no,” the art of the slow yes, recognizing exhaustion, how to communicate and advocate for yourself -- and put them together into a unified whole is a “some assembly required” situation! There are many parts to a conversation about boundaries, with several skills needed in order to do it smoothly, and rigorously.
In this episode, we hit on another topic that is actually quite related! And that’s been on Paul’s mind lately: the notion that a job is kind of just a mechanism that converts time into money. Specifically, it converts your time into money that you want, or need, to live. Do you feel stuck, or unsatisfied with your job? Do you wish for more? Is the conversion from time into money working efficiently, or is the machine starting to heat up a little, or showing signs of wear and tear? Can the machine be repaired, or is it time to find a different machine?
 It’s also possible that we’re expecting something out of the machine that it just doesn’t do! How do we set up that boundary of expectation, which can lead to a new truth about who we are and what we want in this world? 
Thanks all! We hope you have a lovely Thanksgiving!
*** In this episode, we talked a little bit about the Charlie Brown Thanksgiving Special, in which we accused Lucy of flipping out about the Thanksgiving Dinner of popcorn and toast. FACT - it was actually Peppermint Patty, and we offer our sincerest apologies to Lucy. There are actually some good lessons about boundaries in this episode as well! Video linked below!
Where’s the Pumpkin Pie? - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=opN9NxqVCMM
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Episode 90: Trying and the Wisdom of Yoda

Episode 90 - Trying and The Wisdom of Yoda
November. Ah, the month where we get to start saying: “goodness, it sure is getting dark early, ain’t it?”  We in Virginia come to notice this phenomenon, of course, as a result of the shift in time that’s experienced as we shift the clocks for Daylight Savings. It’s a curious thing, Daylight Savings, if you really think about it. Observing this shift, of course, comes from humanity’s attempt to try to solve a struggle observed in society. 
 
In this episode, we use this as a jumping off point for looking into what it means to “try.” Have you ever thought about what’s implied when you say you’re going to “try” to do something versus when you just saying you’re going to do it?  We ask: is resistance and struggle inherent to how we experience what it means to “try”! 
 You might  say this is an episode that *tries* to unpack Yoda’s sage advice about doing versus trying!
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